SUICIDAL

By this time I knew I was depressed.
As I sit in my office cubicle wondering what I was going to do and what was going to happen next...

.....I turn my head and see an object on a desk --
It makes me think of something else, and it in turn something else, ballooning into thoughts of global proportion..... .
....thoughts connecting from a cutter blade on a desk into a worldwide problem of universal doom.
In my mind's eye I see the world as hopeless...
the problems overwhelming...
change is insurmountable...
the whole of life as futile...
Hopelessness to Infinity...

.....My mind and heart are squeezed for their juices
vacillating between thought and feeling,
and feeling and thought
thoughts rebounding off feelings of sorrow.....

My mind searching for answers...
My heart is still....
The realization is solemn and deep: My life is over...
My death must occur...

There is no hope...
My heart is torn apart...
My tears overflowing..

How can I live ?...
...How can I die ?...
......How can I leave ?...

Will I know that I've hurt them ?
Will I know how they feel ?
I feel sorrow for them...
I feel sorrow for me...

Those whom I love ...
Those who loves me...